Seven Years.

Today grief feels a little more palpable than it has the last couple years. I’m not completely sure why, but perhaps it is because the more years that pass, the more life with Jon feels like a lifetime ago.

Perhaps it is also related to being home by myself with two little people who have strong needs. (You know I delight in them, but you also know that days with a toddler and an infant can be tricky. I’m not always as patient as I want to be etc.)

Perhaps it is also because sometimes life is one hard thing after the other, and maybe I’m slogging through this season some days. I guess I’m reminded that the world is broken. It’s not the way it’s meant to be. And it makes my heart sad.

But today I’m also acutely aware of Christ’s body broken for us, so that all that’s wrong will be made right. After Jon died, it was awhile before I started serving in any type of ministry, but one of the first ways I served again was by making communion bread. I loved that our church used handmade bread. It was something simple I could do for others even when I was still struggling. The weeks I was assigned to bake became sweet times of worship and prayer.

Tomorrow we get to celebrate communion with our new little church replant for the first time. Hooray! 🙌🏻 So my little helper Hudson (don’t worry, I washed his hands thoroughly 😂) and I baked bread. How beautiful to get to share Jesus with him as we worked. He doesn’t understand yet, but I pray one day he will. And as we mixed and kneaded, I turned my heart to prayer.

The bread is a symbol of Jesus’ body that was broken. Christians take the bread and the cup as a reminder of what Jesus accomplished on the cross.

“The body of Christ broken for you.

The blood of Christ poured out for you.”

His body was broken and his blood shed, so death and sin would be defeated.

So while I miss Jon today, I’m also surrounded by some glimpses of renewal and reversal. Two babies to snuggle. My steadfast, kind, loyal, fantastic David.

We weren’t meant to experience death, and praise God, one day it will be eradicated forever. And all that’s hard will slip away. For the believer in Jesus, no more just slogging through. Only joy. Only radiant happiness.

The world will not always be broken.


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